I woke up this morning, clawing my way out of the depths
of a dream I haven’t had in over two years. Probably more like four, actually.
It was shocking. It rattled me and left me gasping, mostly due to the
unexpectedness of its occurrence. It was different from any of the others, but
at the same time, still the same. Still the same house. The same dry stairwell.
The same basement. The same people. The same tears. New lies being told. Trying
to change the story. A story that is cemented in history and can’t be changed.
How do you talk about this big unmentionable when the
words won’t come out? How can you ask for help when you can’t say what is
suddenly haunting you? I haven’t figured out how to do this. I’m left thinking
about the unmentionable all day. I know that it will help if I speak it but I cannot
make myself do so. It is a block so strong my fingers can’t even type the
letters.
I thought this was dealt with; that I wouldn’t have to
think about it anymore. Those hopes probably made today’s dream all the more distressing.
Proving it’s not true and there’s still work to do.
-Cynic Ninja
