Philippians 4:8
Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and
right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are
excellent and worthy of praise.
I’m starting to notice…noticing shapes, sizes, thin, thick,
noticing bones. And comparing. So much comparing. And I find that I’m lacking.
I’m not as thin as that girl. Not as tall as that one. My shoulder blades aren’t
sticking out like hers and I bet you my hipbones aren’t either. Look at her
stick thin legs. Why can’t mine look like that? If only I was taller, my
proportions would be stretched out, everything would fit, and I’d look perfect.
I want perfect. Again. I want perfect, again! How can I be wanting perfect? I
thought I was over and done with that nonsense, abstract, ever-changing ideal.
Apparently not.
So, will I try for perfect, once again? Will I spend lots of
time and energy trying to attain something I already know doesn’t exist? Or
will I press into the hard? Press into the hard work that is before me? The
hard work of being and staying and becoming healthy? I know the “right” answer
but that doesn’t mean that’s the answer I’ll choose.
Seriously though, I thought this phase of my life was done
and over with.
-Cynic Ninja
